just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
