those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
