Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
