I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
