I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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