I'm gonna have a badass scar
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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