He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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