Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
