Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
