Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
