yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
