you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
