It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
