Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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