Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
