I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
