can we get nightvision for the apartment?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
