Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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