She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
