Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
