Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it because I queefed?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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