bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
