Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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