My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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