went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
