I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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