when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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