The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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