there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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