Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
