i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
