when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
