my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
