Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
