u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
