he puts the penis in happiness.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
