Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
