There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
