My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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