I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
As shirtless as possible
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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