I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
