I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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