i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
only you would photoshop your dick
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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