My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
