Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
