can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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