u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
