i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
