I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
