She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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