Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
