pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
