He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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